Tag: marriage

Playing at Work

Apr 22, 2014

In the mid 1900s generally you met your partner at school. It was there that relationships were formed and dating turned to marriage. Nowadays, with life getting busy, sometimes the only chance you get to find or start a relationship is with someone you work with. You get to become friends and learn a lot about them just because you see them every day. You spend most of your time at your place of work and since more and more people do not have time to go date, the office can play a matchmaker role.

There are serious things that should be considered when you start an office romance, as dating a workmate has serious implications on all aspects of your life, and also affects those around you.

Pros

  1. Great place to meet. In today’s hectic work environment it can be difficult to find the time to “get out there” and find a suitable partner. At work you generally become attracted to the person over time, which is more conducive to a working relationship.
  2. Establish a relationship prior to dating. By working alongside someone you will get to know them as a person, and find out more about who they really are than you would in other circumstances. By finding out more about the real person, and being attracted to this person, the relationship should last longer and be more secure.
  3. Spend time with each other. Obviously if a relationship is going to last a long time, you and your partner will need to spend a lot of time with each other. If you start to date someone you work with you will get the chance to spend a lot of time with them, and the chances are you had been spending this time with them prior to dating.
  4. Create a happy work environment. The early stages of dating are an exciting, happy time. By dating someone at work you can both lift the spirit of the office by being in an excellent mood and giving off positive vibes.
  5. Have a helping hand during those stressful times. If you have a problem at work it may seem like everything is against you and no one is willing to help. Colleagues are often busy with their own work and unwilling or unable to assist. If you are dating a workmate they will be more likely to go that extra mile and give you a hand.

Of course, not everything about meeting your partner at work is good. Several of the positive aspects can easily slip into negative ones, and there are other issues all on their own which could block you from having a meaningful relationship with a workmate.

Cons

  1. Subject of idle gossip. If you start a relationship with someone in your office, you can be sure that other people will gossip about it. If possible, you should try and be open about your new relationship instead of keeping it a secret.
  2. Jealousy. Your co-workers may be jealous of the relationship you have, especially if it is an employer/employee. You or your partner may get jealous by talking to others in the office, it may come off as “flirty”.
  3. Spending too much time together. Seeing each other socially in the evenings and weekends, followed by seeing each other in a stricter environment during the day can lead to a little too much. It also may kill a little of the romance, as you miss out on the excitement of waiting to see them at the end of the day.
  4. Allocating objective blame. If something goes wrong and work, and it’s your fault or that of your partner, it can be difficult to remain as objective as you should be.
  5. Breaking up is hard to do. If the worst happens and your relationship comes to an end, it can be disastrous in the workplace. Breaking is up is hard to do at the best of time, and having to see them at work every day can be very difficult, creating an unhappy working environment that your colleagues will be in the middle of.

Weigh out your options before you get to close. Think about the pros and cons before you jump into anything serious.

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Quickie Dates with your Spouse

Dec 22, 2013

When you first meet your partner, you will go on dates and enjoy each others company. However, many couples make the mistake of stopping dating once they settle into marriage or a civil union. . Often kids or work commitments mean that it is near impossible to go on dates, but quickie dates with your spouse to stay connected when life gets busy are essential for a happy and healthy relationship.

One part of dating is making sure that you still appreciate your partner and that you give them the attention they deserve. Quickie dates are a tried and tested method by marriage counsellors all over the world simply because they work. Once you are married, if you let the spontaneity leave your marriage, then it will soon become stagnant. It doesn’t matter whether you have full time jobs or 5 kids; you still need time alone with your partner, and not necessarily in bed!

Quickie dates don’t need to be expensive or complex to set up; all you need is some inspiration and you can get this by thinking back to when you were dating. If you loved to have a picnic together, find a lunch time where you can have a quick bite to eat together in the park. If you loved to go to the movies together, try to find the time to go and see a movie together.

Quick dates are sworn by so many married couples as a way to add the spark back into a stale relationship. When all your life consists of is work, home and the children, it will be normal that you will start to feel like an old married couple. But, stop and think about the things your spouse loved when you first met, and find ways to recreate them to bring the spark back into your life.

The whole idea of quickie dates is that they don’t need to take up a lot of time. If date night is out of the question due to work commitments or children, find a time when you are alone without the kids, even if it is when they are in bed, and give your partner your undivided attention. If going to the movies is impossible, try sitting down to watch a film together after your children have gone to bed, with a bowl of home made popcorn.

What you need to remember is that your quickie dates require 100% of your attention and this means leaving your smart phone alone. In fact, the perfect quickie date will involve nothing more than you and your partner and something that you enjoy together such as eating ice cream or giving each other a back rub. Avoid distractions, turn off the television and dim the lights to set a romantic scene.

Quickie dates with your spouse to stay connected when life gets busy are all about taking time out to appreciate your spouse and spend some quality time together where you can enjoy each others company and help keep your relationship young. Whether you love eating strawberries or love to debate about a book, there is a quickie date that is perfect for you.

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No Fly Zone

Jul 19, 2013

Sex therapists and relationship counselors will tell you that sexless marriages are more common than one may think. Depressingly so, in fact! As it turns about roughly 60 percent of married or committed couples remain in sexless relationships for a variety of reasons. Although sex should never be the center of a relationship, it is important to keep the flame ignited for a balanced and intimate relationship. Why then are so many people forgoing these intimate acts? The reasons may or may not surprise you.

Vanilla Isn’t a Popular Flavor
There are a small percentage of people who love vanilla ice cream and at the same time are perfectly content with their sex life being vanilla (read: boring, the same old and routine.) Studies show however that one of the most common complaints and reasons why you and your spouse may not be having sex is because the act has become (or has always been) stale and too vanilla.

This is especially true for couples that have been in a monogamous relationship for years or decades. While knowing the ins and out of your partner, sex should never become so routine that it is boring.

Lack of Communication
Far too many couples are not talking about sex. And if they are, it’s usually one person complaining of the lack thereof. Couples need to consistently engage in sex conversation and this should include sharing fantasies and brainstorming ideas of how to keep sex and intimacy exciting and progressive.

This is not to say that every fantasy has to be fulfilled and made a reality, but some of them should be. Therapists often consult with couples who never speak about sex and this is troublesome. After all, sex should be rewarding and if you aren’t communicating with your partner what your desires and turn-ons are, they won’t know.

Lack of the Big O
This is more of a conundrum for women than men but if we think of it realistically, why would your partner want to continue to engage in sexual activity if the payoff isn’t there? In fact, ongoing sex sessions minus an amazing orgasm will become pointless and frustrating after a period of time, especially for women.

Research shows that most women need an average of 15-30 minutes of foreplay before their bodies are anywhere near ready to rock and roll whereas men need far less.

Communicate to your partner what kind of foreplay really gets you going and ask that they work on making it a part of your foreplay. This will not only make sex more exciting and rewarding, but foreplay also brings back the emotional intimacy that may be lacking.

Sex Isn’t a Priority
We all have a lot on our plates: work, kids, errands, housework etc. On a day to day basis it makes sense that sex is swiftly placed at the bottom of the “to- do” list so much so that months may go by without an encounter.

Couples are far too concerned with their to- do lists but often don’t manage to schedule in love making time and this can be a relationship killer. We also often succumb to the exhaustion after a day packed with work and household responsibilities so by the time evening rolls around, sex is the last thing on our minds.

Contrary to belief though, it takes little energy to have a great sex session and once you get your body going we have these nifty things called endorphins which are elevated when we become passionate and sexually active. Those same endorphins will increase our energy levels and once the session is over, you will also find that you sleep better. Orgasms have also proven to be great stress relievers so after a stressful day at work the best gift you can offer yourself is a release.

You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling
It may be that you are no longer in love or lust with your partner. This isn’t a good thing and there will be a hard choice ahead of both of you if this is the case. Some relationships can be repaired and reignited while others may not be salvageable.

If this is where you are some counseling may help or in some cases, it may be time to think about ending a loveless relationship.

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Get Intimate

Jun 22, 2013

Relationships take work, and there are things you can do to encourage intimacy as your relationship continues grow and develop. People tend to think of intimacy in terms of a sexual relationship with their partner. While intimacy can include sexual activity, it also may include holding hands, a tender touch, a hug or a kiss. The day to day routine and life’s stresses can start to affect your intimacy in your relationship. How can you get that spark back?

Communication is essential to bringing back joy and love into a relationship. Take notice of the tones you are using with each other; communicating in a positive way is like attracting a bee to honey. Spending time together in a loving manner can change the situation. It’s all about getting back to being friends again, and talking and acting with loving intent.

Make sure to give enough time for your partner, plan events that will involve both of you spending affectionate time together. A busy life style or work is never an excuse, so do not make it one. Bring back the date night or take a weekend holiday together. Try to make these a monthly occurrence and schedule them in your calendar.

10 Steps to a More Intimate Relationship:

  1. Be Present When You’re with Your Partner. Put down the cell phone or turn off the t.v.
  2. Maintain Eye Contact.
  3. Be Physically Affectionate.
  4. Be Spiritual Together.
  5. Pay Attention. Listen to what your partner is really saying.
  6. Be Emotionally Available.
  7. Accept Unconditionally. Don’t make your partner change to what you want them to be.
  8. Be Supportive.
  9. Laugh Together.
  10. Find Common Interests and Pursue Them Together.

Relationships require work. Over periods of time they can lose some of the excitement that they had when you first met. This may seem like a problem, but it is completely normal in any relationship. Getting back to the way it use to be can sometimes be a challenge, but by using some of the tips listed above can help restore your loving partnership once again. A healthy intimate relationship is an integral part of a strong relationship. Invest in each other – Get Intimate!

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